Eurovision Song Contest: England - the One with the Crash Carts

Oh, honey, NO.

England's little Eurovision problem is that it takes the competition seriously. While the countries of eastern and southern Europe toss back their hair and strut forth in sparkly tutus and merrily let the pyrotechnics blow where they may, England really really really wants to win.
            Two years ago the English rolled out the big guns and commissioned Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber (he of Power Chords on Pipe Organs fame) to compose a power ballad called My Turn. The production featured a passionate soprano singing clever subliminal lyrics like "It's MY TURN/ It's MY TURN/ It's MY TURN to SHINE!" in a voice that started tearful and wound up full-on frantic - like the drunken upper class hysteric who wonders why he still won't sleep with her, even after she bought him the watch and the cufflinks and the Rolls.
            The poor darlings. They even rolled out Sir Andrew himself to play the piano.
            Most years England offers up overly-cute pop tunes, performed with frantic desperation oozing from every pore - eyes too wide, smile too sharp, teeth too big- and that's just the commentator on the British telecast. 
            This little number was broadcast live from Helsinki in 2007.
            The Poor Darlings.

England, 2007 - Flying the Flag: